Ref Makes Good on Promise of Fitness

Have you recently felt inclined to criticize a ref's conditioning? No more, I say. No more. Because this ref will slap you silly and then outrun you to rub it in for good measure! Did any of the players think to use their deft fists after about fiddy of them miss-kicked?

Silence in the Land

Darkness has fallen over the planet as there are no World Cup games for two days. My brother in Saskatchewan was looking forward to watching WC action during his day off for Canada Day today, but alas, no games. To quell your sorrows, let's celebrate one of the beauties of the beautiful game - the fans in the stands with their painted faces and rabidly colorful costumes.

Also of note, the Vatican's list of favorites to hoist the World Cup trophy were published before the opening kickoff. To their inspired credit, they've fared better than Nike...

Nike Predicts the Future

Nike's World Cup ad will be remembered for bringing bad luck. That's right, prophetic, nearly crystal ball kinds of bad luck. By the end of the Round of 16 every player featured, with the exception of the Spaniards, was out of the tournament and on his way home to grow a beard and live in a trailer park.



Here's the play by play:

:00 - :27 Drogba: Eliminated in group phase, albeit in the Group of Death phase.

:28 - :42 Canavarro: Eliminated during group phase. The former world champions came in fourth in a weak sauce group and managed to tie New Zealand 1-1. New Zealand! Defeat to Slovakia spelled the end.

:43 - 1:45 Rooney: England were in Roo-ins from day one. A 1-1 tie with the USA on a Green howler, and an atrocious group phase led to a Round of 16 Meullering by the Germans in what would become England's worst ever World Cup defeat. The Queen thinks beards are brilliant.

:56 - 1:29 Ribery: France was eliminated in the group phase. Perhaps holding that iron cross in Roo's back yard proved too much of a distraction.

1:09 - 1:10 Donovan and Howard: Eliminated in Round of 16 by a Ghana wunderstrike. A half decent World Cup but a lot of bad luck with disallowed goals.

1:34 - 1:36 Iniesta, Fabregas & Pique: Spain was upended by Switzerland 1-0 but recovered to advance to the knockouts and eliminate its Iberian rival, Portugal. Perhaps the less screen time in this ad, the further your team goes.

1:50 - 2:10 Ronaldinho, oh Ronaldinho: Ronny didn't even make Brazil's World Cup squad. Too busy giving free Samba lessons to those who Like him on Facebook. Kobe luck actually improved from being in this ad.

2:11 - 2:59 Christiano Ronaldo: Lost to Spain one-nill in the Round of 16 and had a largely disappointing World Cup except for when the heavens dropped a ball from the sky so he could laughingly tap between the North Korean pipes. Perhaps Ron's Vanity Fair cover with Drogba spelled an early doom for both. Ha!